Thanks…

For the birthday wishes. It was really one of the worst ever…hehehe! oh well! I don’t do celebrating me very well do I?

In fact I couldn’t even keep my eyes open for this pic taken today…and as usual- it is blurry.

…and love you bunches too!

Not Around Much

I just wanted everyone to know all is ok with me in my personal life. I am just really stretched at the moment. There are several concerns I have at the moment and I am wading through them. If you believe in prayer-which you know I do- please pray for me and mine. I am tired. I am stretched and if I think too much about it- stressed!

January 28

Sometimes life takes a spin that takes you off course for a day or two. On Monday one of my best friends discovered that her dad was terminal. Last evening she called to tell me they were calling in the family to spend final moments with him. Since I use her home for my childcare I made a snap decision to call everyone and use the church for childcare. Now that is a challenge as it is a big open space and the kids go berserk! But the girls and I made it and all in one piece!

Last evening Cindy’s niece, also my friend and the mom of Ashley (one of my kiddos) called from the home. She had made the trek down to say her final goodbyes to her Grampy. She was pretty shaken and when I saw her facebook status I realized that she had many regrets. It said “In twenty years you won’t regret the things you did but the things that you didn’t do”. For her it was spending time with her Grampy.

Tony’s mom passed 4 years ago and we had no regrets. I was doing my college course at the time and missed two semesters because I insisted we travel to see her. I remember her saying “there is no need of you being here every weekend!” When we laid her to rest in early January I was thankful that I insisted that we needed to be there every weekend. I did 6 courses in 6 weeks to graduate on time and she was definitely on my mind when I walked to the front and received the award for the highest average in my class-she always was so proud of our achievements.

You have time to do what is important and people are important…right?

January 27

Ahhh…it is GOOD to type in a date as then I remember what other things besides my everyday happenings is going on today. Today is my younger brother’s birthday! cool- I will have to hop on over to Facebook and wish him a Happy Birthday. He just became a grandpa for the first time- that is exciting! I have been a grandma for 15 years already and that still seems unreal to me.

I haven’t posted on wordpress much but have with recent events determined to make it my “home”.

My life is going to get increasingly busier as I have some papers in hand for my daycare facility…finally!

One thing people cannot say about me is that I am impatient or give up easily.

Me and my younger brother a couple of years ago.

Oh and one of him, his wife and new granddaughter-

Trying to work with Myself

My friend told me that I am “intense” then weeks later felt the need to come and share with me what she means…determined, passionate about what I believe and do, driven…

Lately I feel very much this way as I stretch to reach my goals. Part of the problem is focus and what to focus on first. Unfortunately I would be your classic adhd and although it is wonderful having boundless energy it is tiring to use that energy to start 25 projects and finish them PERFECT as I also am a perfectionist! I used to be a great starter and a poor finisher but have gotten past that- I finish what I start so finishing 25 “the most important” projects consumes a lot of time and energy!

I do believe others can do it as well as I do but their passion isn’t the same so I need to learn how to start a fire under them without feeling that I am “putting them out”. There is another struggle I have- not wanting to impose.

*sigh*

Sometimes not caring would be so much easier because people who really don’t care don’t even realize that they don’t…

Working through it all…

Sometimes I just sit and think. Today I actually vocalized how I am feeling. It isn’t good. I told Cindy all my fears. I have had no peace of mind for a very long time. I wonder why?

For a long time I wrote in an online journal and enjoyed the outlet. Recently that has even seemed void and empty. I don’t feel a connection with people in the communities that I write in. Things haven’t been the same since the drama of a few weeks ago…something changed. I guess I am going through a stage?

I have a lot on my plate. Recently I heard from the real estate agency that is considering putting my daycare building on a vacant property that they manage.

It is all good. Once I find out how much they are going to charge me for the lease agreement I can move ahead with my business venture.

I don’t know though. I am doubting myself and my ability to run a business. I am not doubting the viability of the business nor am I doubting my childcare skills. It is my head for business that I am concerned with. I have a weakness in my character. I cannot charge a fair market value for services offered- I undercharge. Undercharging is to my detriment. I am a woman of my word. If I tell you that I am guaranteeing you work until Christmas then I do what I say I will do even if I have lost children. I have too. Unfortunately one of my moms received her lay off notice so she has taken the children out except for two full days a week to hold an opening for them for after Christmas. She will draw unemployment and be at home for the next several weeks. She deserves this timeout.

Another family has suffered a relationship breakup. The mom is managing without childcare utilizing family and friends to look after her child when necessary. It isn’t the best scenario but it is her choice. I have offered to look out for her daughter at no cost to her the days that she cannot get the help of family. This tallies up to a loss of $160/week. If that loss was between the three of us it wouldn’t be such a financial loss but it comes off of my weekly wage- once again! I have been here before- it is the ever changing face of childcare.

Christmas is coming…my two older children and grandchildren are far away and have no intention of coming this way. Our youngest son and his girlfriend will be around. He is doing great- being off of all drugs for a couple of months now. I don’t know though- I just wish that families could get along as mine are not at the moment. How fair is this??

I have been hurt and a lot. I don’t feel I can nurse that hurt and be a whole person yet I cannot get past the fact that people who say they love you think that gives them a license to say and do what they please. After all Lou will forgive and forget and be the bigger person through it all…right? After all Lou has made mistakes in the past and we shall keep a long account…right?

Maybe I need a tall handsome therapist…spose?

Just Stopping by…

First…thanks for those who drop me an email when concerned as I haven’t posted! You know who you are…:-)! I like communication although I don’t always return in like matter…

I find life exceptionally busy this fall and my head is full with too many thoughts racing around to be able to formulate much of a post.

Good news though…I got the lease agreement for the building via email yesterday. It is tangible although there is a lot of work and thought still to go into this business proposition.

Here is hoping you are all well too!

My Lease Option

As I have thrown out several options over the past 3 plus years in regards to my lease options for my daycare building I am doing just what I hate to do- confusing you!

The building in question does not exist at the moment. The real estate company that owns the local mini home park has a commercial property that originally housed a store. The store was a large mini home which was redone and moved into the park. The lot is spacious with a paved access. The location is near the new extension from the city and central to both communities.

I approached the local company that still builds and sells the mini homes to the park but sold the park itself to a major Real estate company based out of Toronto, Ontario. I discussed with their accountant leasing that property and he suggested that I approach the real estate company to put a mulipurpose building there to be used for my daycare during work day hours. The park would use it evenings and weekends for a community centre. I heard nothing from them since July 03 and three weeks ago discovered that they had been working on a lease with their lawyer. I was to have the lease four weeks ago on Friday. I heard nothing until two weeks ago when I received a letter stating the lease would be sent to me via email on the following day. Nothing…so I sent them a letter on Thursday urging them to please let me know their intent.

The building is big, and brand new- a prefab home but built to my specs to accomodate both my daycare and their community centre…hence the reason I have been vague about the exact plans. Wonderful IF it all works out!

Living the Life of Indecision

Not knowing is worse than having it laid out on the table. I have heard nothing for two weeks in regards to my daycare lease agreement. I cannot understand how you cannot take a moment and even send a small update to someone. It could be as simple as “still working on things- will get to you asap”. That would satisfy the “how comes” and “what ifs” quite nicely.

It plays a major part in my thought process and the reason I cannot even formulate a post. Is this understandable?

Sometimes I feel like a psycho pathological liar. I tell people I have a building and it falls through! Time…and time again! I keep my friends, acquaintances and family on a roller coaster as I face the ups and downs of procuring my building to house my blossoming business.

On another note: Both the US and Canadian airwaves are fear mongering us re: H1N1 virus and as to whether we should get that shot. After reading, discussing and praying about it I determined that I am not comfortable getting it. I dunno…both my co workers are not comfortable that we have several children who are being inoculated and they on their own have decided that they don’t want to get it. SOOO…yesterday a mom called and pressured me to have it done. It was offered to health care professionals first then school children. BUT a mistake was made and if you showed up to the medical clinic they were giving the H1N1 flu shot to whoever. It is free with the presentation of a medical card. The next offering will be in December.

The parent told me last night “I want you to go now and get that shot. I am not comfortable with you working with my children if you don’t have it…”

I am not in the high risk category…this is really not fair do you think?

Taking a Wee Break

I am taking a hiatus from the computer- will just pop on and off and check out my facebook messages. Life is overwhelming at the moment…

I am busy with lots of extras, my daycare business and home at the moment. Most of my friends need some extra TLC.

Things are good with my son- he is totally drug free and has been for several weeks. His last breach of probation was thrown out of court so he will be off of probation in early December. He broke his foot playing floor hockey with Toni’s children when they were here and worked last week with an air cast anyway!

Hubby is struggling with lots at the moment and being his confident and encouragement I need to just “be there” for him.

I heard nothing from the lawyer on either the Friday or the following Wednesday so know no more about my lease agreement yet.

R. is out of detox, her boyfriend is in jail awaiting a bail hearing but it looks like he may be there for awhile as the courts sort through the several charges. She has been to see me twice and is definitely doing ok at the moment. I say that tentatively as we have been here before. I am not a fool.

It is cold here already- dark and brooding- I do not look forward to another long winter!

If anyone here would like to contact me please just send an email…:-)

I leave you with the Irish blessing-

“May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.”