Things are.

Yesterday my 3 year old came in feverish and sore. She had a bladder infection that had not been treated as she didn’t want to go to the doctor the night before. Really?? who is the boss anyway?

By noon I had filled and refilled her cup, and jumped when she spoke one too many times. Her tylenol was wearing off and she began to cry w/out a break. I called her home and nobody answered. They had dropped her off at 8:30 and Dad isn’t working these days so I knew he was around somewhere. NO response! By 2 I was insane with the crying! I called the house again and got the Dad. When I told him the problem he responded “Oh yeah, her mom can pick her up as she is just out shopping. She doesn’t work until later today and then closes tonight.”

I was not happy. They left the baby until later- 5:55. The moment their car drove out I hopped in the shower. As the warm water streamed over me I thought “nobody can use you unless you let them” and immediately got mad at “me”. Time to put my foot down methinks.

Today she is feeling great and we have done playdoh, made a windsock cat for Hallowe’en out of a black garbage bag and practiced cutting which involves a foodstore flyer and a paper shopping cart. We will practice the letters a and b and read books and sing songs. Oddly enough the child had never painted, did playdoh or used glue or scissors before! I have heard it said that some children are better off in childcare…maybe in some cases this is true. If for nothing else socialization and preschool is good for her. I only have her bi weekly so it is slow progress and I try to fit lots in a short period.

My life has always been busy but it has even become more accelerated. I have one evening off this week and that is this one. Tony mentioned I may want to go out…I don’t think so! I am out every other night, I want to STAY at home!

So I opened my door with Zayne- a walking nine month old! The next week his big sister joined us as they have shared custody and she is only with her mom bi-weekly. Then Jackson- almost a year spent three days with me getting used to the daycare as he will start fulltime Nov. 01 while Zayne goes back to two days a week due to his dad not getting the work he was promised. Sigh…that is running a business for yourself.

Then last week Cole came in- he is a year today and walking. What a sweet little spirit he is! So today it is just Cole and me. We have read books, played with the Little People and now he is down for his nap. I have a pan of yummy delicious squares in the oven as there is a visitor coming to our church tomorrow evening and we are having a “dessert” night.

I struggle with being home alone with kids all day. It will get better as I rearrange my time and find what I can do while I have the children. I am one of those “guilty” people though and feel just that way if I am doing anything besides working. Yesterday I had three little boys here and we had a great day but by 5:50 I was a tad stir crazy! The first child comes in at 7:15 so it is a long day.

On an entirely different subject- why are men and women such polar opposites?? It was time to replace our vehicle, slipping our 05 Jetta to the status of second car. It has had a few problems and the odometer reads 312,000 km.. She owes us nothing! Tony really wanted a truck so we started doing the process of procuring a truck. Do we get a truck with a small back seat or do we get a family car? Well We have a family car that still works well enough for around town. We opted for the truck. Did I want a truck? no…but I didn’t NOT want a truck either. I really could care less but since all I have heard is “truck, truck, truck” I was willing to go that route. Now because I don’t say that it is “my” truck he is wishing we never got the truck! Men and their complexities! Can we not say the truck is ours? Do I have to say that I really wanted a truck? Can I not say I wanted a truck because it really suited our life style at the moment? Do I have to say I like trucks? hehehe! So off he went to work with a broken nose because I don’t “LOVE the truck”! It is a nice little Nissan Frontier- black just like he wanted…

Isn’t marriage fun?

I worked in a daycare last fall, then took a job with better pay and more hours but was fired before I started it! Imagine that?? I hadn’t done anything untoward. They changed my hours the night before I was to start and I had already made plans for the next day which I could not change- so they fired me!! Nice people and I am sure with the firing I dodged a much worse lethal bullet.

With that happening they filled my position in the daycare so I had no job to go back to even. Over the next month I odd jobbed it at the Ganong’s candy factory which was a real sweet treat.

In January I took a position as a nanny/housekeeper/mother’s helper in a doctor and his wife’s home. It was wonderful! There are four kids- twin boys who were two months when I started and a two and a four year old. Mom was home a lot of the time and we became fast friends. It worked quite well. When I accepted the contract we set a date for when I was to be done and looking back that was very wise. Otherwise I may have been there when the oldest started university and not kindergarten which he did this fall. Yesterday I started my in home daycare with one little guy under one. It worked out well as it gives me time to get ready, freeze some meals and finish making my fall preserves. Next week his older sister joins us- the parents have joint custody and she is only with the mom every second week. On Oct. 17 one more starts and then one in January. I already have several inquiries for next year. I can handle a couple of part time children over two still this fall but am just waiting until the right ones come.

The. quiet. is. deafening. Imagine coming from a busy household of four rowdy boys to me and a nine month old little guy? Tony heads to his office early morning. It is all good though as I have a lot of catch up to do around here. I am trying to avoid the computer as I know it can waste precious time.

Last Thursday we celebrated our 39 wedding anniversary. Is that a long time????

My granddaughter really could not imagine why her Papa looks so grouchy…oh well! he sure doesn’t like his picture taken does he?

today…needing a hair cut desperately! My hairdresser is still back “home”- a good 2.5 hrs. away…I am very fussy you know?

It has been a good holiday with lots of “Manic Mondays”- horrible weather that ranges from torrential rains to a snow storm today.

I finally start my job- next Monday at 10:00 a.m.. I cannot wait- for the pay cheque! not to work…although it is a good job.

How was your Christmas?

It was hard physical labor and it felt good…:-) This week I have determined to get my closet and room in order as well as make plans for what needs to be done in preparation for Christmas. Missing my daycare kids has overridden my joy at times but I keep reassuring myself that someday, somehow things will be better than ever, right?

It doesn’t help that on facebook I get messages from the moms of the kids about how much they miss me and the younger ones do not understand why I have left them. One little 21/2 year old boy misses me for “Gene’s hugs” but I don’t think he misses me half as much as I miss him and the other kids.

We are down to one car for now. Hopefully once I start my fulltime job as Mother’s helper in January we can get back into the swing of things and purchase a second vehicle. A four wheel drive truck will probably be the way that we go as living out here in the middle of nowhere in the winter calls for just such a vehicle. My hubby is already dreaming…:-)

I am also lonely for the friends that I have left behind…for my kids and for the way things used to be or should be in my way of thinking?

I know however it is good and right and just as it is supposed to be…and God has a purpose and a plan in it all- I just have to come to terms with it.

I don’t give up and just lay down and let the world go by- I have called a relative and tomorrow will drop by to visit her. On Friday I have made plans with a young mom to stop by and visit her and her children with hopes that she w

Things are going well. Tim stayed in our hometown- he misses us terribly. I am sure it is my good cooking and care that he misses more than anything. However when Montreal plays hockey the phonelines between us burn up as he and his dad call back and forth, commenting on the progress or failure of their favorite team.

Life is different at the moment as I haven’t worked outside of the home since Sept. 01. I am used to working long hours and never having time for anything. These days I tend to sleep in and stay home- keeping house and applying for jobs. We only have one car so Tony takes it and goes. We chose a property outside of town- a beautiful location away from civilization. I am thrilled! I have a position with a doctor’s family in January- she already has a young brood and is expecting twins! It will be 35 plus hours a week. The upside is that I can pursue my in home childcare business and become licensed while I work. The downside is the start date.

On Monday my Ma and Pa have convinced me to head to my daughter’s in MD for a few days but upon my return I will apply for positions in retail as I have to have something for the Christmas season.

I am not discouraged but a little mystified as to what I am supposed to be doing in the moment…strange for me you know?

Hope you are all well?

Tim and Jess have “their” apartment and will be moving out of here and into there within the next few weeks. I have let them know that I prefer them waiting until marriage to cohabitate but let’s face it- is it not hypocrisy if people are sleeping together anyway and pretending that they are not? This just takes the guesswork out doesn’t it? Yeah…I am old fashioned and really wish that the economy of the situation did not rule over the morality of it. I need to be careful I do not throw the first stone as people- I was pregnant when I got married- you know? *shakes my head*- AND I DO NOT want to be a “do as I say and not as I do” individual.

So we know within the next two days whether we are moving from here…on the one hand I am excited but on the other- I love it here- love my friends too! Change…the older I get the less I like it.

Nick has on my glasses and a dart backwards in his mouth…Jack and I have matching glasses…I LOVE this pic of them! Tomorrow I will post a pic of my granddaughters…

On Saturday this week I was to stand with my friend, Ricky as his mom in his wedding because his mother would not. That isn’t happening as his fiancee’s father had a heart attack and needed an operation. Because of the risk factor he and his fiancee were married in the hospital so as her father could give her away. Just after that he died. Awful huh?

So in place of a wedding there is a funeral on Thursday and a wedding reception on Saturday. I am still responsible for the cake and will wear my fancy new sandals and dress. Personally I wish they would have waited as this is such an emotional time for them.

The other alternative was a week from Saturday which wouldn’t have worked.

I leave for Maryland via Bangor airport on Monday- June 14 and come back the Saturday, June 19 of the wedding. Bangor is a good 51/2 hrs from home.

My husband is on a month vacation and will resign within the week. We have no idea what is next but that is ok…just done here!

I got measured at Curves today and in less than a month I have lost 7 inches! I swear by Curves- it really works for me.

I have resorted to one email addy- loubablair@hotmail.com so please feel free to contact me that way and let me know what is going on in your life!

To complicate matters my cat scan showed that I did have some health issues that would be alleviated somewhat when I finally got through this time of my life and my body quit producing so much estrogen. The scan also showed that I have degeneration in my spine. The doctor ordered an MRI. He suggested that I either go to a physiotherapist or chiropractor to have him align my spine. He wondered if I had an injury when I was younger? oh yes…several falls! He went on to suggest that eventually I may have to consider an operation.

A few years back I had problems with my sciatic nerve and headed to Curves to see if their exercise program would help. Within a month I had lost 14 inches, my sciatic nerve had been soothed and lost several pounds. I mentioned this to my doctor who said that it certainly was worth a try. I joined Curves May 10 and after my first workout it seemed like I had had a soothing massage. Things improved daily. This week due to Monday being a holiday and a nutty schedule I wasn’t able to get there until Thursday- wow- was my back ever achy by then! I squeezed in my workouts on Thursday, Friday and Saturday although the whole time I was there I was wanting to run out of there and do things I considered more important. But they aren’t! My back is doing so much better with this gentle stretch and exercise! I forget it was hurting and am back to running everywhere.

Here is the added sweetness to the mix- I have lost 6 lbs since I joined which takes me down 8 since last August- just 7 more to go to reach my goal. Nice huh?

One thing for sure…Curves just gives me the added boost to my metabolism- it really does work for me- just 1/2 hr a day of exercise at least 3X a week.

I am a proactive sort of gal…it is important for me to do what I can to improve myself. I have learned to do what I can with what I can and let the rest go.

One lesson I have learned is that what I want to do in life is my responsibility. I would never get to the gym if I waited for the schedule to be clear. Except for the improvement in my health nobody would grouch me if I quit going all together nor make it easy to get there either. I am still by everyone’s standards “tall and thin” and look just fine. On the other hand they really didn’t know how badly my back hurt either or how afraid I was of how much difficulty it was giving me as I just never let on.

I guess I am stubborn.

My life is changing a lot. Over the next several months we will probably be moving. I am really ok with it all. Some have voiced their concern as it will mean giving in to my dreams/aspirations for a childcare centre. That is ok…there are children everywhere- right? I will be successful wherever I go…I have that confidence, not cockiness but confidence. I am good at what I do but it hasn’t “just happened”. It took years of experience and training to do this job the way it needs done.

We are taking a giant leap of faith over the next few weeks.

Besides that I am blessed to be headed to Toni’s in MD for a few days. My sister in law insisted and even purchased my tickets to fly out of Maine! wow! She thinks it will be fun having a big sleepover…it will be.

My time online is limited as my head is still quite cluttered…my thoughts disjointed and much effort is put into meditating on what God has for us and praying for guidance.

Looks like a beautiful day though in the neighborhood!