Time for a bath in the early morning light. “Tranquil Moments” foamed in my generous garden tub. I eased into the swirling suds and soaked in the decadence of my tiny ensuite, calming blue walls, battenberg lace and linen white wainscott. Everything seems so right- so perfect in my little world. Accompanying my meanderings I identify the haunting coo of the Mourning Dove. Ahh! a reminder that although I am hidden away in my own “tranquil moment” I suffer deep sadness. Lights- I need lights- layers and layers of twinkle lights and a chandelier- an antiquated crystal chandelier that dances and sparkles on the walls of my quiet place. This moment was etched in silver in the dark storm clouds.
God’s word eases its way in my now conflicted thoughts. I read in my mind’s eye James 3- words– words about two kinds of wisdom, then strong dark words like strife, envy- bitterness and confusion. I need a happy ending. Sliding out of the tub I pick up my phone and land on the bible app. and continue to read what had started in my head”But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.” Good words- words- words of light and hope- that with a little bit of work can make the heart sing again!
Sliding back into the bubbles my heart song spilled out and my voice rose “Create in me a clean heart, Oh God- restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me”…Oh David- a man after God’s own heart was a real man with real struggles, real enemies, family that did not honor him and a life that eventually only wanted to serve His God and His Father. I like him.
Another year has come and gone. It is so incredibly hard for me to believe that I am just that closer to 100 than I was last year. Seriously time has passed so quickly and especially this last year. I am sure though it is not passing as quickly as some would like it to- people who are suffering from serious illnesses or under the reign of terror from ISIS or some other cruel faction. Its hard to understand what this world has become. It needs a paradigm shift. There are a lot of maps that are way off the grid!
Yesterday one of my after school girls commented that when her baby sister gets into grade 3 I wouldn’t be needed to look after her anymore and I smiled and said that since I would be 65 then I probably would be retired anyway. Her face looked puzzled as she said “You will be 65 in 6 years??” I guess most 59 year olds aren’t starting their days at 6:30 a.m. and ending them late into the evening are they? Today we climbed a mountain of snow and I either tossed the kids out into the deep snow or rolled down the hills myself.
I saw a video that eluded to the fact that people who look after their grandchildren even one day a week have a better chance at not getting Alzheimers. Well my grandkiddos are so far away but God has blessed me with a ton of kids that I love like my own…good thing.
I took a selfie a day early for my birthday…the fine lines around my eyes are really not so fine anymore…I suppose if I were born or married into money I could do a little botox but hey- I earned them there craters!
So tonight on the eve of my 59 birthday I am sitting listening to the hockey game and eating Doritos, drinking coffee as I reflect on the many yesterdays that have already came and went…and the people who were part of those yesterdays…
Being tired seems to be my mantra this past week. So much to do and so little time to fit it all in. A double batch of orange hued rice krispie squares laden with Hallowe’en sprinkles, hot milk cupcakes in skeleton liners for daycare tomorrow and peanut butter fudge done and delivered for Griefshare. I am rebelling and not doing the every night out lately. Doing preschool and pre preschool as well as keeping the house clean and organized for daycare is not a simple task. I really hate the ghoulish macabre slant this holiday has taken. Browsing the dollar store last night my eyes were assaulted with severed arms and legs covered in fake blood and ghouls. Its just worse now since everyone is into Zombies. Tomorrow the kids and I will play fun Monster Mash type of music and dress up with attire from the Tickle Trunk, throw balls in the gaping pumpkins I painted and bob for apples…pretty fun and pretty innocent.
I think I got a compliment today. In a facebook debate site I could not follow the conversation and realized that the woman who has me blocked had been debating that thread. Of course I could not follow it so mentioned it took me two hours to figure out why it was so disjointed- the individual who has me blocked was commenting on the thread leaving large gaps in the debate. I received a pm from a woman saying “I feel better now. That woman also has me blocked. I mean if she has you blocked and you are the single most more polite person in there than me- well!” I was polite the day I got blocked. I had voiced my opinion on pro life and she is pro choice. She didn’t agree and posted a comment. I answered and poof! her comment was gone so then mine made no sense. I didn’t realize she had me blocked so removed what I considered to be a senseless comment. Later I figured out she had me blocked due to our opposing views. Do you think it wise to go into a debate room and block everyone who doesn’t agree?
She may be talking to herself before long. Who am I to talk- I talk to myself all the time…this blog is a good example of that!
It is Fall and time for me to add a few red highlights to my blonde. I joked with my hairdresser today saying that it had to do with the red maple but I hoped that when the leaves fall off of the trees my hair doesn’t fall out. I guess although it is a change it could be considered predictable…consistent. The second time that word has came up today- the first in child rearing and the expectations that kids have of you. Years ago a couple in leadership explained to me that they had dealt with all kinds of families. Some believed in spanking while others preferred a more gentle approach and surprisingly enough both worked as long as the families remained consistent in doling out punishment. I have unfortunately some children who are consistently defiant and hard on the other kids. It takes an extra portion of my grace and a lot of love dealing with one in particular.
So today I parked my little Sentra a few yards away from my hairdressers and walked back. Two hours later I returned and put my foot on the clutch and turned the key- “click click click”. This is a joke- right? I tried again but then became concerned that perhaps I could burn out the starter. I really had no idea but my mind started playing games with me…we have only had the car for 10 days. I had prayed over a small inexpensive older car with low mileage for a long time then this green 2001 Nissan Sentra in immaculate condition with only 90000 km came along and within our price range. We could pay cash for it as well as license it and the truck with the money we had left from income tax. I like this little car and named her Greta…
So I called Tony on my cell and broke the news to him. He was handy and would be there in five. I thought long and hard…what makes sense? Dead battery? Had I left the lights on…had I had the lights on? No…but wait. When I had got in the car earlier there was a lot of heavy dew on the window and I had been uncertain about the wiper switch…hadn’t I thoughtlessly touched the light switch too searching for the wiper switch? I glanced to the light switch…yup! I had inadvertently turned the lights on! PHEW!! the battery was dead…not so bad! So with a push I was able to let out the clutch and start her up! Thankful…AND I will be very conscious of that. Its good it happened in broad daylight with help nearby.
Well its not broad daylight now…I am breaking the promise to myself to go to bed earlier. Hard though when you hate to go to bed as you may miss something.
Me and Emma after dinner at one of our favorite unique places. Its hard to believe how much older we all are…Emma Lu Jean turned 16 this summer while she visited with us…an amazing girl! Emma is one of 5 amazing grand children.
She actually just did a cd. Pretty happy for her!
Life has gotten in the way. Days are filled with kids and preschool and potties. Evenings are centred around Griefshare counseling, Kid’s group and teaching others. Life is not boring. But…I get tired. Thoroughly enjoyed a three day weekend. Yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving and I cooked a turkey before we headed to a nearby community to visit my Ma and Pa and his dad. After going through cancer last year I have determined that yes staying home and getting much accomplished is easier on the head but really not profitable in the big picture.
On our return Tony took the back wheel off of my little car to see if it needed a bit of grease and did just that.. so..greased it. No squeaking today! I proceeded to throw together an apple crumble and a turkey dinner with all the fixins. Hubby kinda looked down about no family around again this year so I admonished him to make his own memories and stop depending on the past. Life is too short…or wait…sometimes it seems too long!
Saturday I got a little car…for me! Sunday driving down the highway and shifting it from third to fourth I shouted loudly “FREEEEDOOOMMM”!!! I reminded myself of my 16 year old very fun crazy granddaughter, Emma. Poor child has been told she is very much like her nanny. Living 7 miles from the closest town and working from home has its drawbacks. One is that Tony’s office is in town so once he is gone I am carless. I have had offers to borrow but I loan…not borrow.
Perhaps I can get back at this some…
So as I sit here and type my mind goes back 24 hrs.- a phone call that changed my today and tomorrow and next few weeks. Just a brief ring holds such an impact! It was the hospital calling to tell me there was a woman in emergency- a woman needing surgery- someone whose life was on the line. I lost my place but hey- that is encouraging is it not?
So now I regroup and rethink and replan and wait until April 02 for surgery.
I stood at the sink this morning mulling over the last 24 hrs and knowing that I am to be still and know that He is God- that was when I drove my hand deep into the water and felt a sharp pain. I had broken a glass and it had cut a deep wound into the top of my right finger. Talk about adding insult to injury!!
The sun is shining and streaming through my window- one of my loaned children fell asleep on the living room floor and the other pours dry macaroni from container to container. Lunch is ready and so am I…